Frequently Asked Questions

Why doesn’t she/he like the way I make love anymore?

It is also extremely important to be able to tolerate and regulate feelings of shame and inadequacy when you don’t know your partner’s sexual likes and dislikes.  This leads to a willingness to be taught about each lovers needs and desires.  It is also important to understand that sexuality is dynamic, growing and organic. It grows and changes over time. It is not static.  A lover may need or want something at the beginning of the relationship and not have that same need later on in a long term relationship.

Why has my sex drive disappeared since my baby was born?

The desire to have sex is often extinguished due to hormonal changes present after the birth of a child.   This is normal and need not be a part of the long term relationship if both new parents make an effort to continue to be sexual by scheduling sex around the demands of parenting.

Whose fault is it?

When one partner has high desire and the other has low desire, a situation can quickly escalate into into a situation where both people are blaming each other for the problem. The low desire partner feels pressured and the high desire partner feels their sex life is being controlled by the low desire partner.   This way of perceiving the problem causes conflict and bad feelings.  It is more helpful to think about it as a mismatch in desire levels. Then it becomes a couple problem that you can work as a team to solve,

What keeps my partner and me from communicating?

Communication problems often happen when clients hide what it is they want.  They may feel they don’ t have a right to have their need met or that intimate relationship is too dangerous to take the risk of asking for what they want.  Either way clients are often communicating their desires, but their partner doesn’t like what they partner is.